I realize that I have a home, good health and great kids. But the reality of life is hard to miss...like, wham! right in the face sometimes.
My house is a wreck most days since I have been in school. You know that feeling where you are so overwhelmed that you dont know where to begin? I am ohsofamiliar with that right now.
What I am worried about...
-we are sooooo upside down in our house. I dont mean to say that its a contest, but I am pretty sure we beat anyone else out in Del Lago for biggest financial mistake and there is nothing we can do when we owe soooo much more than the stupid house is worth.
-my parents, and brothers are dealing with severe lack of employment opportunities. Because we are close, I worry about this daily as some have lost homes, and my heart really hurts beause of this. How in the world can we help them, when we worry about our future?
-I worry about the cost of my education, whether its worth it in the run.
I am hesitant to write how I feel sometimes, beause I dont want to hurt my family.
I know that it would make my parents sad if they knew how upset I am, but I can't hide it either. When I think of all the challenges my family is facing, I am a kid again, and I am helpless.
The Health Challenge I signed up for turned out to be a "gain weight" challenge that I won, yay me!
This is not to say that I do not experience happiness on a daily basis.
Exercising makes me happy. Freshly bathed children do, too. My personal prayers remind me I am not alone. Sleeping with Shayne next to me is a blessing.
So, if I seem distant lately, or just plain out of it, I am just in a funk. I realize now that it will pass, and that I just have to decide to be happy.
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8 comments:
You are such a good, caring person Kellie. Saying that, I can't imagine you not worrying so much. I hope that you can find away to realize that you cannot save them from these troubles, financially or any other way. I'm here for you if you ever need to talk or excercise:) My life is truely blessed by having you in it Kellie!!
I agree with Mindi. I know it can be difficult when we try to carry all the worries on our own shoulders. It also means that you are a fantastic daughter, sister, friend. You care and in the world today that is huge. So many people are so self absorbed in their own issues or feel so much "better" than those around them that there is just not enough compassion. It would be easy to blame others for mistakes and right them off - a lot of people do behave like that. So, while caring and worrying sometimes go hand in hand and they are quickly followed by stress I think that is better than the alternative.
You are an awesome woman. You are an amazing example and I am glad that I have met you and that I am having the opportunity to get to know you.
right=write
Kellie, Just know that you are doing the best you can and that is good enough. You have to focus on you. We are all in trouble right now, and you can't rescue anyone, family or not so don't put that on yourself. You are a sweet person so you naturally feel that way. I feel that way too sometimes.
And yes, happiness is a choice. But it is also work and honestly a post Icould explain in itself. When you said you were in a funk, Iknow what you mean. I stopped posting on my blog because I got so muchcriticism from family. Family who is supposed to love me and build me up. And my blog is my release. My happiness. And one family memeber ruined that for me by making mefeel bad for blogging. So don't feel bad for what you write. If it's your way of getting things off your chest, as it was mine, my therapy, then who cares what people think? They don't have to read it.
I appreciate this post. It's hard for me to remember to be happy when I am feeling the weight of the world. I'm sorry you have so much worry right now. I think you're amazing!
Ditto to everything. And you know I like you happy, grumpy, sad, excited, etc. And I know it goes both ways. Thanks for being my friend!
You're awesome Kellie. Thanks for the reminder that happiness is a choice. There have been times where seeing that light is like staring into a black hole and wondering how it's possible. Yet, in the end, the light can be found!
You are my idol. I just wish I could be more like you. One of my favorite things is hearing all the cleaning machines in the house working. (dishwasher, washing machine, dryer) Because it makes me feel like somebody is working around the house. Ditto on the clean kids, wonderful husband, etc. Merry Christmas Kellie! You really do rock!
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