I could make a career out of both sabatoge and procrastination. I am actually doing both by blogging, because I really should be reading the last chapter in my math book so I can take the final exam this next week.
If bills need to be paid, I like to make a neat pile of them....and then tell myself everyday "today, I will sit down and pay bills" many days later. Jeez, wouldn't it be easier if I just did them?!
I am also, as many of you know, am trying to lose weight...so what did I do today? I ate everything in sight. Potato casserole, cookies, and yet I ate a Lean Cuisine for lunch, what gives? Its like the thought of losing weight makes me want to eat more. And the sad thing is, when I hit a new goal, I immediately do something destructive. There are days when I am so focused and treats don't even tempt me..., how can I get to that place more often?
Things that are stressing me now... well, Shayne is away on business and I am lonely, and feel worried at nighttime. I really hate math, and it is upsetting that these concepts don't come naturally to me. I am wondering if the reason that I am pursuing social work as a major is that it is the path of least resistance, and if letting go of my dream of pursuing photography as a profession is the right thing (this stress literally makes me SICK to my stomache). I used to enjoy reading and learning about this art, but now its just painful for me.
I'm not fishing for encouragement or compliments, its just a little window into my mind right now. (maybe I am hoping that these bad behaviors are not just limited to me)
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5 comments:
what helps for me is setting my goals and writing them down in 5x5p5 goal setting booklet. It is always in my wallet and I review it regularly. It keeps me focused on what really matters to me.
Enjoy and success!
Ronny
I've felt that way Kellie. The more I would try to lose weight the more I would think about food, and the more I would eat. I eventually had to stop caring so much about what size I was (easier said than done) and then it was easier to actually forget about eating for a while. I feel your pain! I don't think going into social work means you have to give up photography does it? At least I don't see it as having to be one or the other. The math thing . . . well if you want to feel better about it just watch me try to do some math. I think your brain either thinks that way or it doesn't. Mine definitely doesn't.
We have all been there Kellie! Just take one step at a time. You have to look at what you have already accomplished! You can run over 3 miles. Woo-Hoo! Hang in there.
I'll sign up to be your partner in procrastination and I'd add on self doubt to my list of "qualities"
I'm constantly second guessing my decision to pursue graduate degrees (I'll admit to some serious mother's guilt there).
Just ask Norm: he constantly has to remind me that I am smart and that I can do what I'm doing. Deep down I'm still that shy girl with low self-esteem who's more than willing to let herself prove that she can't do well by procrastinating.
As Janelle said, look at how much you have accomplished already. I know that heading back to school as a grown up is a scary thing to do, but you're doing it. And I generally give myself the excuse that most students don't have a family to take care of so it's ok if I use the things I do to care for them as my procrastination of schoolwork.
I've been thinking lots about your post and some of our conversations. My favorite things are music, literature, and sports/exercise. I didn't pursue music and literature in college because I didn't think I was good enough or passionate enough. I went the path of least resistance, but I don't think it was necessarily a bad thing. I enjoyed my years teaching, but I'm not sure if I would go back to that exact thing. I think there are many different paths, and there might not necessarily be a wrong and a right, just what fits best for the time being for you, and your family.
Besides, I think social work plays to many of your strengths.
And as for the weight, I recall gaining a good 15-20 my freshman year, so I believe you're doing fabolous avoiding that! :)
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